Russian Premier Vladimir Putin made world news today when he pulled Excalibur from a rock in Vladivostok.
The controversial Russian leader, who has ruffled international feathers lately with his taking of Crimea and bullying of the Ukraine, was salmon fishing near the ancient Russian city when he reportedly spied a flash of light from a river bank. “I rowed my kayak to the bank and there, stuck in a rock, was this beautiful sword,” Putin said. “I got out of my kayak, walked to the rock, grabbed the sword by the hilt and it practically slid out by itself.”
International reaction was swift.
“This guy has got to be kidding. First he rides a grizzly bear and now he’s pulled Excalibur from a rock?” an incredulous President Barack Obama observed. “The next thing you’re going to tell me is he’s drawn a red line with the sword tip!”
Those in the knife industry scoffed at Putin’s assertion.
“Putin pulled Excalibur from a rock?” questioned ABS master smith and BLADE® field editor Ed Fowler, Excalibur champion and proponent of the multiple quench heat-treating method. “I think King Arthur is doing backflips in his grave over this one.”
Meanwhile, sword manufacturers scrambled to see if they could get images and/or drawings of the sword from Russian officials to make a reproduction of the legendary blade.
“We’ve been in touch with the Kremlin and they tell us Putin can’t be bothered with such requests at the moment, that he’s being fitted for a suit of armor to go with the sword,” said Lois Southwick of Camelot Sword Makers. “We will continue to press for the images and drawings. After all, this sword belongs to the world, not Mr. Putin.”
Long before now, you’ve probably figured out that this story is completely bogus. After all, it’s April 1. Happy April Fool’s Day!
NEXT STEP: Download Your Free KNIFE GUIDE Issue of BLADE MagazineBLADE’s annual Knife Guide Issue features the newest knives and sharpeners, plus knife and axe reviews, knife sheaths, kit knives and a Knife Industry Directory.
Get your FREE digital PDF instant download of the annual Knife Guide. No, really! We will email it to you right now when you subscribe to the BLADE email newsletter.
First name basis only when we talk knives, when it comes to diplomatic stuff it is more formal.
What’s his favorite knife? A Siberian Back Stabber?
I forgot to add that we also worked up a pine tooth pick for another politician, plant it in a well baked potato, this is still in the works.
OK this is the way it went down, Vlad and I were just joking around and he suggested a new age Excalibur. I checked with the lady of the lake and she agreed that if I would make the sword she would bury the blade in a rock and if Vlad could pull the blade from the rock, future history would follow.
“Vlad,” eh? Are you guys on a first-name basis? 😉
At least he reads about significant events in the history of man.