Putin Pulls Excalibur From Rock

Putin Pulls Excalibur From Rock

Russian Premier Vladimirmeet-the-pr-firm-that-helped-vladimir-putin-troll-the-entire-country Putin made world news today when he pulled Excalibur from a rock in Vladivostok.

The controversial Russian leader, who has ruffled international feathers lately with his taking of Crimea and bullying of the Ukraine, was salmon fishing near the ancient Russian city when he reportedly spied a flash of light from a river bank. “I rowed my kayak to the bank and there, stuck in a rock, was this beautiful sword,” Putin said. “I got out of my kayak, walked to the rock, grabbed the sword by the hilt and it practically slid out by itself.”

Excalibur was pulled from rock by Putin.
Russian Premier Vladimir Putin reportedly pulled Excalibur from a rock in Vladivostok. (Albion sword photo)

International reaction was swift.

“This guy has got to be kidding. First he rides a grizzly bear and now he’s pulled Excalibur from a rock?” an incredulous President Barack Obama observed. “The next thing you’re going to tell me is he’s drawn a red line with the sword tip!”

Those in the knife industry scoffed at Putin’s assertion.

“Putin pulled Excalibur from a rock?” questioned ABS master smith and BLADE® field editor Ed Fowler, Excalibur champion and proponent of the multiple quench heat-treating method. “I think King Arthur is doing backflips in his grave over this one.”

Meanwhile, sword manufacturers scrambled to see if they could get images and/or drawings of the sword from Russian officials to make a reproduction of the legendary blade.

“We’ve been in touch with the Kremlin and they tell us Putin can’t be bothered with such requests at the moment, that he’s being fitted for a suit of armor to go with the sword,” said Lois Southwick of Camelot Sword Makers. “We will continue to press for the images and drawings. After all, this sword belongs to the world, not Mr. Putin.”

Long before now, you’ve probably figured out that this story is completely bogus. After all, it’s April 1. Happy April Fool’s Day!

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  1. OK this is the way it went down, Vlad and I were just joking around and he suggested a new age Excalibur. I checked with the lady of the lake and she agreed that if I would make the sword she would bury the blade in a rock and if Vlad could pull the blade from the rock, future history would follow.


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